From the Desk of Deacon Jim

This is not an endorsement of the books mentioned or the website by either the Church or myself.  However this does contain some very good ideas to consider when you want to work on your relationship. 

It’s often said that money is the main cause of marital discord and even
divorce.

But that’s not quite accurate. What really causes the fights is all the
emotional baggage — fear, mistrust, immaturity, selfishness, or lack of
self-worth — that gets stirred up when money enters the conversation. Money
– that’s just a convenient, albeit huge, hook for the quarrels.

As I was going through the many “love and money” books I get this time of
year, I decided to choose two non-financial works for the Color of Money
Book Club pick for February.

This month I’ve selected “10 Great Dates to Energize Your Marriage” by David
and Claudia Arp (Zondervan, $12.99), available in bookstores and online.
There’s also a companion book I recommend, “52 Fantastic Dates for You and
Your Mate” (Thomas Nelson, $12.99), which you can get at any of the online
bookstores or at http://www.marriagealive.com  (click on the link for
“catalog/store,” then “full catalog”).

The Arps are the founders of Marriage Alive International, a nonprofit
organization that strives to build better marriages and families.

Their approach is soft-spoken, low-key and humorous — despite the serious
topic. Their goal is to take couples back to their dating days, when love
was in the air and money was just paper.

Perhaps the world’s most famous dating couple right now is President Obama
and first lady Michelle (what a lovely name). The first couple has
frequently talked about their regular Friday night dates.

The concept of both books is deceptively simple. In the first book, couples
go on 10 dates, each intended to concentrate on a particular skill. The
first three dates focus on developing an effective way to communicate.
Subsequent dates involve learning to encourage each other, finding unity in
your diversity, building a creative love life (whoopee), working together as
a team, balancing your roles as partners and parents, developing spiritual
intimacy and setting goals for your marriage.

In “52 Fantastic Dates for You and Your Mate,” the Arps have created even
more interesting ways to get couples talking to each other, and not about
the kids or the MasterCard bill. Some ideas include a bubble date — as in
blowing bubbles.

“Be willing to let your child out from time to time,” they write. “It will
add laughter and fun to your marriage team.”

What’s fun and frugal about these dates is that you don’t have to spend
money. You can if you want to, but it’s not about the place, meal or event.
It’s about reconnecting.

“Great dates involve communicating with one another, reviving the spark that
initially ignited your fire, and developing mutual interests and goals that
are not focused on your careers or your children,” the Arps write. “Great
dates can revitalize your relationship.”

That certainly may be in order for a lot of couples dealing with the fallout
from the recession. In a recent survey focusing on relationships and
finances, 43 percent of U.S. couples said the economic downturn has caused
them to argue more often, primarily about finances. One in 10 couples
reported that the role of the primary breadwinner had changed over the past
six months because of a job loss or salary decrease, according to the third
annual “Can’t Buy Me Love” survey conducted for PayPal, the online
payment-processing company.

The research that PayPal commissioned examined topics centered on love and
money in the United States, Australia, Canada, Italy, Mexico, the
Netherlands and Britain.

The survey found that more American couples are hiding purchases from their
partners (23 percent), and that U.S. couples bring the largest levels of
debt into their relationships (51 percent).

If your marriage needs a financial boost, get these date books.

“Every divorce prevented saves the government money in down-the-road
services,” Claudia Arp said in an interview. “We believe that when we
strengthen marriages, we strengthen our economy.”

With the economy in a crisis, “10 Great Dates” is an easy and inexpensive
way to make a difference in marriages and families.

To become a member of the Color of Money Book Club, all you have to do is
read the recommended book. I also invite you to join me online to chat about
the book. We’ll have a live discussion with David and Claudia Arp at noon
Feb. 25 at http://www.washingtonpost.com.

In addition, every month I randomly select readers to receive a copy of the
book, donated by the publisher. For a chance to win a copy of “10 Great
Dates to Energize Your Marriage” or “52 Fantastic Dates for You and Your
Mate,” send an e-mail to colorofmoney@washpost.com. Please include your name
and an address so we can send you one of the books if you win.

· On the air: Michelle Singletary discusses personal finance Tuesdays on
NPR’s “Day to Day” program and at http://www.npr.org capote download .

Visit here to leave your comments:
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People need to be reminded more often than they need to be instructed – Dr Samuel Johnson

When this column appears we will be in the season of Easter.  Lent will be over and we will have returned to our daily routine.   We will pick up again perhaps with great relish, those things that we put aside for Lent.  During Lent we prayed the Way of the Cross every Friday.  It is a stark reminder of what Jesus did for us.  However, in many ways, we should remember the Way of the Cross every day throughout the year.  So as we celebrate our salvation let’s also begin a series of reflections on each of the stations.

Jesus Is Condemned to Die. 

We adore you O Christ and we praise you; because by your holy cross, you have redeemed the world.

In all four gospels we have accounts of Jesus’ condemnation. (Mt 27:26:Mk 15:14-15;Lk 23:23-25;Jn 19:6)  It is after he is condemned that he enters on to the way of the cross.

 We are under the same sentence of death.  Through the sin of Adam and Eve, sin and death entered the world.  For most of us death, while a certainty, is still a far off future event.  It’s not something we think about every day.  For all of us our life is our Way of the Cross.

We have all been treated unfairly in life.  We may have even suffered injustices and been wrongly accused.   We in fact may have been punished for something we didn’t do.  We may have been used or cheated or turned on by someone we loved and trusted such as a spouse or family member.   We can identify with Jesus’ humiliation and anguish.

So I think it is easy for us to identify with Christ.  Wrongly accused, persecuted by the crowds, hated by the authorities, turned on by the very people he came to save.  He was in some ways a pawn, even though he was a king, in a larger political game.  I often feel that way with political leaders who seem to ignore my views, my values, my sense of right and wrong.  In today’s world it is easy to take on the role of the victim. Isn’t everyone a victim of something today?

But can we identify with the other major player in this scene? Maybe Pilate simply viewed Jesus as more of an annoyance than a person of importance.  As such, he saw no gain in dealing with him fairly.  He saw no need to protect him from the mob.  He wasn’t even a Roman citizen so he really had no rights under Roman law.  He was just another Jew causing trouble in a troublesome province.  He was simply someone to be dealt with quickly and move on.

Have we condemned someone to death for selfish reasons?  Well maybe not physically, but have we sentenced their good name and reputation to death by gossip or rumor mongering?  Have we taken actions to make us look better than the next person so the boss will notice us?

Have we not stood for the right when our beliefs and faith were challenged?  Have we allowed the mob to just carry us along? After all, don’t make waves.  It’s the nail that sticks up that gets hammered.  What’s in it for me? 

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